how do you like me now

my life’s sweet like cinnamon
like a fuckin’ dream i’m living in
pick me up and take me like vitamin
cos my body’s sweet like sugar venom 

the chemical reactions in my body flow, rattling and venomous – what’s in the cigarettes you’re smoking? nicotine, tar, smells of dust and pain and gray and black and character

the package too shiny the cellophane too easily ruined, i’m tearing the top of it, we don’t have a lighter, you say it’s okay,

but is it really?

you can’t hold a cigarette – your hands too tight too stiff, your grip too loose, the thin paper-wrapped poison grows elusive steadily while you’re trying to keep it but it just keeps burning and burning and it’s really your choice whether it’ll burn by itself or you’ll help it disappear

my eyes are filling with smoke i pretend it’s not making me cry i say it’s my eyeliner that it’s nothing that the wind’s blowing too hard my fringe’s gotten too long an eyelash has penetrated in my eye that it’s nothing nothing nothing or everything everything but the fumes

is it a shock when you die or when someone dies that you experience i can’t stop thinking about him about how he must be feeling i can’t stop thinking i can’t stop asking

how is he going to live

how is he going to sleep