when it rains, it pours

Random thoughts at midnight

I’m smoking too damn much
I’m scared that I’ll push everyone away and I’m gonna die alone
I feel like I’m settling for less than I deserve, in terms of… everything
I really, really want to travel, go study abroad, just… be alone for a while, not that I’m not always on my own, but I need to be by myself and see how that goes…
At the same time, I’m scared to death I won’t manage
But then again, I always manage, it’s kind of my thing
And I have to fucking stop restricting myself… from anything.. it’s driving me nuts and it’s not healthy
I don’t want to be paralyzed anymore, I don’t want to feel like I’m drowning when I should be flying
I would also like to know why is love not enough
I want to stop being so dependent on people I love but it’s what I always do
I want to know what happens after death
And I should probably go to bed.

Enough
Enough now