i’ll get funny again

i’m trying to resist the everlasting urge to do something other than what i absolutely must. i know, i know, i always say this and then i go and do everything at once as if i have some masochistic need to be constantly tired.

lately, i’ve been very uninspired. so i’ve been thinking about doing things i’ve never done this year. or things i’ve postponed. i’m actually thinking of joining a Spanish course (yeah i know i’ve had an affair with several languages already but it appears i still remember what i’ve learned in high school) (also, who’s counting). the other night i went to an improvised poetry reading, made a terribly inappropriate joke (but very funny, i’m told) while at it and had fun. and fun is something i desperately need.

i’ve been going over my relationships with some of the people closest to me. it pains me to say this, but i’m a complete pushover sometimes. no matter how long i’ve known some people, i remain incredibly inadequate in standing my own ground and making a statement without apologizing. i question my opinions too damn much and i always wonder if i’m actually right about anything, and if i actually know what i know.

i wish i could be electric again. i used to have so much charge. i used to be a powerbank, remember? i used to be funny and i used to sound like myself.

i’ve been craving light, spring and live music, and i think i should write more often.